Major Speech Assignment #1: Outline
“Role Models” Commercial Purpose: Persuade the audience to vote for Hillary Clinton in the 2016 presidential election. Thesis: Donald Trump’s behavior will set a negative example for America’s youth. Purpose: Show that Donald Trump is a poor role model Purpose: Show that Hillary is a good role model Purpose: Make it about the children. Sympathize with the children. Imagery Kids watching Trump Trump being inflammatory, making fun of disability Kids anxious faces “Our children are watching. What example will we set for them?” Setting Mood; dark, gloomy TV light shining on kids faces Brighter, Lighter, Happier when Hillary is shown Music Tense, sad when showing Trump Becomes upbeat for Hillary A person watching this commercial might not know what Trump has said, seeing this commercial might sway a pro-trumper Everyone has kids, liberal or conservative. Would you want someone saying these things to your child? Negatively representing an oppo...
After reading your paper I was very in tune with what you wrote and how you wrote it. I could understand what you were trying to prove even though there were a few errors in your paragraphs/format. First off the format you had was a bit wrong, you didn't include "Running head:" in your cover page also the page numbers are messed up since you also didn't include the number 1 page number on the cover page. Also a few other mistakes would be you don't have you name in the cover page underneath your topic. Also try and stick with a 12 pt. font times new roman. I noticed that when you included topics to introduce a paragraph you decided to make the font size a tad bit bigger, which doesn't follow APA format. Another thing you should consider is having the "references" page on a seprate page then the end of your conclusion, that also follows APA format. Also you didn't include an appendix which is crucial to understand your survey and what your trying to conclude. Also when you include figures try and represent the figures to the paragraphs your explaining it too. I could see that you would include 2 figures then on the next page explain the first one that you cant even see. I thought your citations were good they looked alright, you followed the correct APA format with those. I guess the main things you need to work is the flow off the paper and how to include the formatting to make it correct or to APA guidelines. I thought everything else that you had really explained everything pretty thoroughly and just make sure to keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteAfter the first quick reading, I didn't have any suggestion for you. The overall flow is very good. This is a good first draft, the organization and structure are pretty good, and the language is formal and accurate.
ReplyDeleteIn the second reading, I figured out some little problems. The in-text citations in your introduction paragraph are not fit APA citation rules. Then I checked your reference page, the references are not quite accurate either, I suggest you searching the online APA citation introduction, or you can ask Hem's help in your conference time (I fixed my citation formatting problems in this way last time). In the introduction paragraph, I think the length is not long enough, you may add more background introduction and find another gap citation.
The language and logic are not problems in your paper, I think the method and result part are very good, you can keep like this. You analyzed your result in a good detail, but compare to the delicate result part, your discussion part need more information.
For the discussion section, we should include four parts: summary, problems, implication and future research. I think I didn't see the problems about this survey. When you write the revision of this draft, you can add four subtopic under discussion section so the content could be more clear to readers.
Those are all the suggestions I can provide, I hope these could help you a little bit. Hope you have a better final draft!